


Wild Sage

by springty



Category: 1776 (1972), 1776 - Edwards/Stone
Genre: Established Relationship, Homophobia, M/M, Modern Era, Suicide Attempt, Trans Male Character, but dont worry, but it’s mentioned, it occurs before the fic starts, its not graphically described, which isn’t really relevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17616173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springty/pseuds/springty
Summary: “And some days I don't miss my familyAnd some days I doAnd some days I think I'd feel better if I tried harderMost days I know it's not true” - The Mountain Goats, ‘Wild Sage’Following a drastic action by his eldest brother, Edward travels home to Charleston, and Dr. Hall accompanies him.





	1. Chapter 1

 When Edward’s phone rang, he was surprised by the name across the screen. _Sarah_. It wasn’t that he had fallen out with her, or anything of that sort, but she didn’t call him often. That she was calling now immediately sparked worry in him, and he quickly picked up.

“Neddy?” Her accent was similar to his, perhaps not quite as thick, but something else in her voice was off. Distress? Like she had something urgent to discuss, like she had been crying, portending nothing good.

“Sarah? Is everythin’ alright?” A foolish question, he knew. Perhaps a better one: “What’s going on?”

“It’s… John.” She swallowed thickly.

John was the oldest of Edward and his siblings; ten years older than Ned. He had been the golden child growing up, valedictorian, the favorite, and Edward had always looked up to him. Despite their difference in ages, the two were close growing up- until they weren’t. The memories that flooded Edward’s mind, though, weren’t what was important right now. “Is he alright?”

His sister’s hesitation was telltale. Finally, she spoke. “He’s in the hospital,” she said quietly. “He… attempted suicide.”

Edward was silent. That couldn’t be right; he must have misheard her. Suicide? _John_? No, he would never do something like that. He had no reason to- he had a wife and children, a family who loved him, he was successful. His life was perfect. He had no cause to end it. Edward stood there, clutching his phone even tighter, opening and closing his mouth but unable to find the right words, any words. Eventually, all he could muster was, “No.” Before he realized it, he was shaking. “He… no,” his voice broke. He felt his heart in his throat, and the moment didn’t feel real.

“He’s alive,” Sarah continued, “and they’re doing everything they can to make sure he stays that way.” The _but_ was unspoken, hanging silently between them. _But he might not make it_. “If you can, you should… you should come down.”

“Of course,” he said, without even considering. Even though he hadn’t spoken to John in far too long, even though they weren’t on the best of terms, he had to see him. Of course he had to. He was his brother, family, and he loved him. “I’ll be there. As soon as possible. Thank you.”

Sarah smiled a little; a shaky, weak, and tearful smile. “I’ll see you soon, Neddy. I love you.”

“I love you, Sarah.” A hesitation.  “I might… bring someone.” He knew the problems that could well arise from that, but frankly, having his boyfriend with him would make this trip home a bit easier. If Lyman even agreed, anyway.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. A friend.”

 She knew what that meant. “Okay.” Then, I’ll see you both. I love you, and… I’ll keep you updated on John until you get here.”

“I love you too. Thank you.”

 

Edward broached the subject with Lyman when he came home. Lyman worked at the hospital nearby, and the two of them shared their Philadelphia apartment. They had been together for a little over a year, but only recently moved in together. Lyman walked into the apartment that evening, taking off his white coat and pressing a kiss to Edward’s cheek. “How was your day?”

Edward smiled weakly, but it quickly dissipated. “My sister called,” he said quietly.

“Your… sister?” He frowned. Edward didn’t speak much of his family, he knew that. “What did she want?”

“My brother is in the hospital.” His usual self-assured demeanor was nowhere to be found. His voice wavered. “Tried to kill himself. He’s alive, but… not doing well.” 

Lyman’s eyes widened. “O-oh.” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know much about Edward’s brother, or their relationship, but he could tell his boyfriend was torn up over this. “I’m… sorry,” he said lamely.

“I’m going down to see him,” he went on, not acknowledging what Lyman said. “And… you can come if you’d like.”

“To… South Carolina? And- and meet your family?”

Edward nodded. “You don’t have to, of course,” he said quickly. “But I’d like to have you if you don’t mind.” He shifted his weight slightly. He probably wouldn’t want to, and he wouldn’t blame him if not.

“I- of course. I don’t mind at all.”He would gladly be there if Edward needed him.

He perked up just so slightly. “Really?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“Oh, thank you.” He wrapped his arms around Lyman’s waist. “Thank you,” he said softly. “I really do appreciate it. I didn’t want to go alone; I’m just _scared_ and-“

“Hey.” He cut him off, his voice soft but firm. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. It’ll be okay.” He kissed his head and held him close. “It’ll be okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Rutledge did actually attempt suicide, which is where the idea for this originated
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

The two of them packed their bags that evening, and somehow Edward managed to book a flight for the very next day, early in the morning. Everything at the airport went smoothly, thank God, and their flight took off at 7:00 AM. Philadelphia to Charleston was a short flight, just under two hours; Lyman was grateful for that. He hated flying, always had. Edward had a tight grip on his hand the entire time, though that was likely more for his own feeling of security than for his boyfriend’s sake. Ned was mostly silent throughout the flight- not wanting to vocalize just how _scared_ he was.

Dozens of unanswered, presently unanswerable questions swam through Edward’s mind. What if he got there too late, and John was already gone by the time he arrived? What if John was alive, but he didn’t want to see him? They hadn’t left off on the best foot, after all. John probably would prefer to spend this time with the family he _wasn’t_ ashamed of. And the rest of his family, God, what would they say to him? What would they think of Lyman? Would they _know?_ No, of course they would know. Sarah already knew- but that was okay; Sarah was the least of his concerns. But his mother and the rest of his siblings… he didn’t know what to expect. Hopefully they said nothing, hopefully they liked Lyman- everything would be okay. He felt pathetic, sitting here wracked with anxiety like this. He didn’t do this; he was the model of composure, wasn’t he?

Apparently, his expression betrayed that, because Lyman was gazing at him with dark eyes full of concern. Damn him, he knew him too well. Edward forced a smile in return, and his boyfriend seemed placated, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

 

After getting off their plane, the couple got a ride to the Rutledge family home. Lyman had known since he met Edward that his family was old money, and he preferred not to dwell on how that wealth was made, but somehow he was still surprised by the house they pulled up to. It was a stereotypical display of southern opulence. An antebellum double house, pale yellow, two stories. The side parallel to the street was narrow, and had what Lyman would have assumed was a front door, but they got out of the car and Edward led him around to the side perpendicular to the street- evidently the actual front door. There were porches ( _p_ _iazzas,_  Edward insisted) on both stories, with balustrades and decorative Doric columns. It was beautiful, no doubt, but a bit excessive in Lyman’s opinion.

Edward led him up to the front door and lifted the knocker, and a woman answered the door soon after. She had short, white hair and piercing blue eyes just like her son. This was the matriarch of the family, the elder Sarah Rutledge. She was a widow and had been for decades, and lived in the large house alone, though her children and grandchildren paid occasional visits.

“Neddy, come in.” She shared her son’s characteristic drawl. “And who is this?” Her gaze fell on Lyman.

“Mother, this is Dr. Lyman Hall.” Edward spoke for him before Lyman could introduce himself. “He’s a… friend.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Hm. Doctor?”

Lyman nodded quickly. “Yes ma’am. It’s a pleasure, Mrs. Rutledge.”

“Very well. Come inside, then, both of you.”

They both followed her into the house. “How is John?” Edward asked before they were even all the way inside.

She sighed deeply. She walked inside and sat on the sofa in the parlor. “Not well, I’m afraid. Sarah is at the hospital with him. Has been since he was admitted.”

“But alive? He’s still alive?”

She nodded. “He’s still alive.”

He exhaled, his relief evident. Lyman reached for his hand, but he jerked it away.

_Oh._

“I want to see him,” Edward said. He wanted nothing more than that. To see his brother, talk to him for the first time in years. Understand why he did this, maybe, though he doubted he ever could. The two had long since lost their ability to understand each other.

Mrs. Rutledge nodded. “Of course, darlin’. The two of you head down to the hospital and I’ll have rooms ready for the both of you when you get back.”

He nodded quickly, then hesitated for a moment before speaking. “Just one room is alright. We can share.”

“Ah.” Her expression betrayed nothing of what she must have thought, entirely    straight faced. Cold. “Alright, then.”

“We’ll be back,” Edward said, swallowing the lump in his throat and taking Lyman’s arm. Lyman remained silent- he had no place in this conversation- and just nodded slowly. Ned led him out of the house, and Lyman looked at him worriedly when they were outside, on the porch (the _piazza)._

“Are you-“

Edward didn’t let him finish, shaking his head and cutting him off. “I’m fine. Let’s just go.”

Lyman frowned, looking even more concerned. But he didn’t push, and they went to the hospital to see Edward’s brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually a flashback, and uh big warning for some nasty homophobia in this one.

Edward, 16 years old, trembled as he dialed his sister’s phone number. He waited for her to pick up, feeling more and more sick to his stomach with each ring. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t, she would hate him, he couldn’t tell her and lose her and-

“Heya.” His panicked thought spiral was finally interrupted by her voice after waiting for what felt like forever. “What’s goin’ on, Ned?”

He took a deep breath. _Ohgodohgodohgod._  “I-I need to tell you something,” he said eventually. He hated how weak and afraid he sounded, but he couldn’t help it, not in this situation.

“Yeah, alright. What is it? Is everythin’ okay?”

“I… I don’t know.” He winced to himself. _What the hell was that?_ “I-“ Deep breaths. Oh, but what if she hated him, was disgusted with him? He and Sarah had always been so close; he was closer to her and John than his siblings nearer his own age. And he could lose them over this. “I-I’m gay,” he stammered out.

She was silent for a moment, and Edward was sure that couldn’t mean anything good. She hated him. Of course she did; who would want their brother to be a-

“Oh.” She didn’t sound angry, or disgusted, or anything like that at all. “That’s alright.”

“It… it is?” He was still shaking harshly, but he allowed himself to exhale.

“Of course, Ned. You’re my brother, and I love you.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry, that was stupid. And yet he felt the warmth on his cheeks, and before he knew it he was sobbing. “Thank you, Sarah. _Fuck,_ thank you. I- I was so scared, I- thank you so much.” He sniffed and wiped his eyes. “You can’t tell anyone. You can’t.”

“Of course not,” she said, her voice so gentle. God, he didn’t deserve her, did he?

“Thank you. Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

With John, things didn’t go as well.

Edward was just as afraid this time has he had been with Sarah, if not worse. He loved John. He looked up to him _so much._ John had a law practice, John had a girlfriend because he was _fucking normal,_ and Edward just wanted that. His heart was beating out of his chest. He didn’t know what he would do if John hated him. When his brother picked up, Edward didn’t even give him an opportunity to speak. He had to get this out, get it over with. “I need to tell you something,” he blurted immediately. “I- I’m gay.”

“...excuse me?”

“I’m… gay.” He couldn’t _breathe_ , this was so awful. Why did he have to be _like this_?

“What? No. No, you’re better than that.” John’s words made Edward flinch. _Better than that_. He wished he was. “You’re not a fag, Neddy.”

“I- I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry, I- I don’t want to be, but I am and I hate it and I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me. Please.” He was sobbing, hyperventilating; he didn’t want any of this.

“You don’t have to throw your life away like that,” John went on. He either didn’t notice how distraught his little brother was or just didn’t care. “You can do this shit if you want, but you’re not my brother if you do.”

“No. Nonono, John, you don’t mean that, I-“

John shook his head, hanging up. Edward clutched the phone tightly, sobbing, and curled in on himself. _Not my brother._ The words echoed in his mind. John hated him. He ruined it.

 

Soon after the disaster with John, his mother found out. Edward knew John must have told her- he knew Sarah wouldn’t have. But it didn’t really matter, in the moment, when he heard his mother say, “So you think you’re gay, huh?”

Edward froze up. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say to that. “I- I’m sorry. I- yes. I’m sorry.” He felt the tears; he was going to cry again. _God damn it._

She shook her head. Her expression was stone cold- she was a master at that. “Then get out.”

He was already terrified, already crying, but his face dropped impossibly at that and he felt his heart shatter. “No.” His voice was scarcely more than a whisper. “No, you can’t do that, Mother, please, I-“

“You can come back when you’ve learned your lesson. I won’t have a son like this.”

So, he left. He left and he stayed with Sarah and even when his mother extended an invitation for him to return, he didn’t. He couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> owch.


	4. Chapter 4

Lyman held Edward’s hand tightly as they walked into the hospital together, made their way up to the room where Edward’s brother was. He didn’t know the details of their relationship, or what had transpired between them, but he had figured out that it couldn’t be anything good. Edward never spoke to him of John before this happened; he never spoke of any of his family, really. And that, coupled with the tension in the air when they spoke to his mother, was enough to give Lyman an idea of the situation. He was no stranger to these things himself. His own parents passed away without even knowing his real name.

But this wasn’t about Lyman right now; he had to remind himself of that. He was here for Neddy.

Edward let go of Lyman’s hand the minute they walked into John’s hospital room. The man lying in the hospital bed- John Rutledge- had red hair, fair skin, and ligature marks around his neck. Edward felt his stomach twist a million different ways seeing his older brother like this. John was supposed to be _perfect._  Why he would ever do this was unfathomable.

In the room, in the stiff hospital chairs, there were two women who refused to quite look at each other. One of them, Edward didn’t recognize, and the other he did.  The familiar woman had blue eyes and blonde hair pulled up into a bun. Sarah.

Before either of the brothers had a chance to speak to one another, Sarah jumped up and pulled Edward into the hallway. Lyman shuffled behind awkwardly. Rather than say anything to her brother initially, the first thing she did was pull him into a tight hug. “It’s good to see you, Neddy,” she murmured.

“Yeah. Yeah, you too.” He didn’t let go of her. Lyman stood off to the side awkwardly; this wasn’t his moment to interrupt.

Sarah eventually stepped away. “And who is this?” She looked at Lyman.

“Oh. Sarah, this is Dr. Lyman Hall,” Edward introduced. “Lyman, this is my sister, Sarah.”

Sarah looked Lyman over, eyed him closely. This wasn’t the same kind of scrutiny Edward’s mother had gazed at him with; this was altogether something different. It was, nevertheless, quite uncomfortable. “It’s a pleasure, Dr. Hall,” she said eventually. A higher-pitched version of Edward’s slow, thick drawl.

Lyman nodded quickly. “Yes, of course. Quite, Ms. Rutledge.” As much as Lyman preferred, for a number of reasons, to claim Georgia as his home, his speech always betrayed that. He hoped she wouldn’t ask him where-

“And where are you from?” _Of course._

“Georgia,” he answered hurriedly, but no one from Georgia spoke that quickly.

“Hmph.” Sarah clearly didn’t believe that, and Lyman didn’t blame her, but she thankfully didn’t interrogate him further. She returned her attention to her brother. “He’s a bit old for you, hm?” Edward opened his mouth, but she didn’t give him time to respond. She shook her head and her demeanor changed considerably. “Look, Neddy- about John.” She sighed and her face softened. “He’s stable now, he’ll be alright. They had to, uh, intubate him, and they’re still monitoring him for brain damage, but he’s alive.”

“He’s alive,” Edward echoed, looking relieved. “Okay. Okay, that’s what matters. Does he even…” He hesitated, tensing up again. “Does he even want to see me?”

Sarah sighed. “I think so. I told him you were comin’. He seemed surprised but he didn’t say nothin’ bad about it.”

He was pleasantly surprised. Maybe he could mend things. Maybe John would understand this time, after all these years. “Oh,” he said dumbly. That was all he could manage.

She nodded. “Now, go.” Edward walked back into the hospital room, and Lyman moved to follow, but Sarah interrupted him. “I would like to speak with you, if I may, Dr. Hall.”

Lyman stiffened, but nodded quickly and hung back. “Yes, of course.”

 

Edward walked into the hospital room and looked sadly at his brother in the bed. “...John?” The older man looked, for lack of a better word, pitiful. John wasn’t supposed to be like this. John was too good for this; he always had been. Edward watched sadly as John tried to sit up in bed.

“Ned.” His voice was hoarse, strained. “I didn’t expect you to come, I… it’s been a long time.”

“It has,” he agreed. “I’m glad you’re alright. Truly.”

“I’m not.”

Oh.

No response could’ve caught Edward off guard as much as that did.

His brother, his big brother, John- John who was strong and perfect and _better_ \- really, truly wanted to die.

Oh.

“John…” He didn’t know what to say to that. What could a person possibly say to that?

“Sorry,” John said quickly. “I’m sorry.”

Edward just shook his head. The two men were quiet for a few moments that felt like an eternity, and didn’t look one another in the eye. Finally, John spoke again.

“Are you still a-“

He flinched. So John’s opinion of him hadn’t changed in all the years they’d spent apart. Of course not; he was foolish to expect otherwise. He cut his brother off before he said the word he knew he was going to say. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

John sighed deeply. “I just can’t understand why you’d want to do that, Ned, I mean…”

_I just can’t understand why you’d want to do that._ Wasn’t that what Edward should be saying to him? About taking his own life?

“I don’t, John. I don’t but I can’t change it.”

“Well-“

“I _can’t._ ” He spoke firmly, but didn’t look him in the eye. That was the truth, and he knew that, but John’s line of thinking crept into his own mind more than he would care to admit.

Silence from John.

“I don’t get this, either,” Edward went on. He took a deep breath. “You… have no reason for this. You have a family and a career and I don’t get how…” He trailed off.

He hesitated. “Then I suppose we’re at an… impasse, aren’t we?”

“John-“

“Well, aren’t we? I don’t think I owe someone like you any explanations for anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed a few historical details here for narrative purposes. John Rutledge attempted suicide by trying to drown himself, but here I changed it to hanging, and while his wife was actually dead when he did, she’s the other woman i mentioned.  
> and yeah lyman is trans suck my dick  
> Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, Sarah was in the hallway with Lyman, and Lyman had no idea what to expect from her. She was a bit taller than him, in her heels, and her eyes cut right through him. He was silent, waiting for her to speak, but for a while she just eyed him closely, looking him over. Finally, she did speak, and Lyman felt himself untense when the silence was interrupted.

“You’re dating my brother.” It wasn’t a question. Lyman tensed up again.

“I… yes. I am. Yes.” He spoke much too quickly; he realized it as soon as the words left his mouth. But Sarah, for her part, didn’t seem to mind it too much.

“For how long?”

“A year. Well, a little over a year.” The two of them had celebrated their anniversary not that long ago.

“More than a year?” She seemed surprised, and Lyman wasn’t sure why. Perhaps surprised that Edward hadn’t told her. Perhaps surprised that her younger brother could hold down a steady partner for that long- a reasonable thought, knowing how Neddy was before they got together. “And how… is that?”

Lyman blinked. “Huh? It’s fine, yeah.” Fine, he realized, didn’t sound particularly great. “It’s… good. We moved in together not that long ago. It’s good. I really do love him.”

“You live together.” Once again, it was a statement rather than a question, to Lyman’s confusion.

“We… yes.”

“It sounds like the two of you are awful serious, then, huh?” He couldn’t decipher from her tone just how she felt about that.

“Yes. Of course, yeah. Yes.” Damn it, why couldn’t he just relax? He was making this whole conversation so much worse than it needed to be. Sarah didn’t hate him yet, it seemed.

“Hm.” It seemed Sarah had inherited her mother’s penchant for the steely, unreadable expression. “I meant what I said; you are a bit old for him, wouldn’t you agree?”

He thought of this sometimes himself. He knew he wasn’t doing anything _wrong_ ; Edward was, despite how he sometimes acted, a grown man. But he still hated to dwell on it too much, simply because he couldn’t understand how someone like Edward- who was young and handsome and could have anyone he wanted- wanted to be with, well, an old man. When Sarah brought this up, he wasn’t sure what to say, and he stammered at first before saying, “Well, we’re both adults, and we’re happy.”

“He’s happy with you?”

“Yeah. He’s never expressed otherwise and I hope he would if he were unhappy, but- yes. Yes.”

“Well, it better stay that way.” She gave him a pointed look. “You seem like a nice guy, Dr. Hall. I hope I’m correct in my judgment. But I love my brother. He’s not perfect but he’s a real good kid.” He was far from a kid, Lyman wanted to interrupt, but now was clearly not the time. “And if you ever hurt him at all, I swear to God-“

“I understand,” he said hurriedly. He wouldn’t dream of ever doing anything to hurt Neddy. “I wouldn’t. Never.”

While the two of them had been talking, voices in John’s hospital room had been gradually raising, and Edward finally came out. He was red in the face, and tears singed at the corners of his eyes. Lyman looked over and saw him and his face immediately softened with concern. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, but his voice broke and tears started running down his cheeks. God, he hated crying.

“Come here.” Lyman pulled him into a hug, holding him close. He didn’t know what was said, but he hated to see him like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was short but oh well  
> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter isn’t very good shgh im sorry

Edward didn’t see John again after that until he was discharged from the hospital, which was a few days later. He didn’t go back to see him before then- why would he, after how it went the first time? John would call him a faggot (again) and Edward would cry (again), and he just didn’t want to subject himself to that. He and Lyman continued to stay at the family home, continued to dance uncomfortably around his mother. He couldn’t pinpoint why exactly, but something about sharing a bed with his boyfriend in his childhood home felt odd. The night after he went to see John, he broke down all over again, crying and hiccuping. He wasn’t supposed to be like this- and it broke Lyman’s heart, too. He held him close to his chest until Edward cried himself to sleep. Thankfully, this was the only night that happened.

After John’s release from the hospital, Mrs. Rutledge declared the whole family would have dinner together. To celebrate her beloved son’s recovery; never mind the bruises still on John’s neck or the Prozac he was prescribed or the therapist he now had to go to. Recovery wasn’t quite the word for where he was, but no one had a more apt alternative.

As the weather was quite nice, the so-called celebratory meal was had outside, on the upper piazza of the home. Mrs. Rutledge got out the family’s fine, beautiful china for it, of course. Not all of the Rutledge siblings were there, only John, Edward, and Sarah. At this dinner, Edward also met John’s wife and children for the first time.

Before the meal, she spotted Edward, and looked at her husband with an expression of confusion. She had no idea who he was. Why would she, anyway? So John introduced them, an arm around his wife’s waist, smiling like he hadn’t nearly abandoned her and their children less than a week ago.

“This is my brother Edward,” he explained, gesturing. “Ned, this is my wife, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth, with a baby in her arms, smiled politely. If she had heard anything about Edward from her husband, it didn’t show. “It’s a pleasure. I’m… surprised we haven’t met before, considering.”

Edward blinked in confusion. “Considerin’ what?”

“Considering how long I’ve been with John, you’d think I’d have met all his siblings by now.” So, then. She didn’t know.

‘How long’, it turned out, was fourteen years. Fourteen years that Edward was a stranger to his brother’s wife, his family. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did.

“Ah.”

“Oh, and…?” She gestured to Lyman, at Edward’s side, holding Edward’s hand.

“My boyfriend.” “His friend.” Spoken simultaneously by Edward and John. John spoke again before anyone else got a chance to, and he spoke to his brother. “Now, Neddy. I don’t think my family needs to know about your… lifestyle.”

He winced. “John, that’s what he is.”

“I don’t _care_ , keep that away from my wife and my kids, do you understand?” He looked the two of them up and down, his gaze dwelling on their interlocked fingers for a while.

Edward got the hint. He nodded silently and let go of Lyman’s hand.

He was also introduced to his nieces and nephews, of which there were eight. The youngest was just a baby who shared her mother’s name. The eldest, thirteen, was named Martha. She seemed confused by this man who was supposed to be her uncle, who she had never met. The surprise for Edward came when he was introduced to John’s ten-year old son.

“This is Eddy.”

“...Eddy.” John… named a child after him? He didn’t _invite him to his wedding_ , but he named his son after him. He couldn’t begin to understand that. He didn’t dare ask John.

 

The family chatted amiably over the dinner table, and Edward seemed to relax. Things finally felt normal for him. John talked to him, casually, without any cutting remarks about his younger brother’s ‘lifestyle’; he wouldn’t want to make a scene in front of his family or anything like that. For a while, everyone even seemed to forget about what John had done.

Lyman, for his part, was still uncomfortable at the table with the Rutledges. He didn’t fit in, didn’t know how to talk to them. And none of them talked to him, either. They all knew he _wasn’t like them_ , and they all refused to acknowledge it. Southern hospitality.

Then Mrs. Rutledge addressed her son. “Say, Neddy; when are you gonna finally get married like your brother?”

He looked at her, his drink in hand, and nearly dropped it. Lyman found himself staring as well.

“Pardon?”

“When are you finally gonna marry a nice young lady like John has? Elizabeth is a nice woman. I don’t know why you can’t find someone like that.”

She knew exactly why not. Of course she knew _exactly_ what she was doing. “Ah, well, I’m not all that interested in marriage,” he said with a shrug, trying to brush it off. He shifted in his seat and put a hand on Lyman’s knee under the table. They were outside, and a breeze had been blowing, but suddenly the space felt so stuffy.

She cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so?” He couldn’t tell if he imagined it or he really saw a smirk play on her lips. “I suppose that’s not a surprise.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ages of the children and how long john and elizabeth have been married are figured like it’s 1777 even tho this is a modern au, if anyone cared  
> feedback is really appreciated!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they’re happy in this one yall you’re welcome

Lyman and Edward sat on the bed that evening, backs turned to each other. The uncomfortable tension from dinner had been carried into their bedroom. They had packed their bags; they were returning home tomorrow. Lyman wasn’t mad at Edward, of course not. He had no reason to be. He felt bad for him after what transpired at dinner, really- not that he would say that. Ned wouldn’t accept his pity. Still, something the younger man had said at dinner kept coming up in the back of Lyman’s mind. He looked back over his shoulder when Edward rose. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom,” he answered shortly. He gestured to his eyes. “Contacts.”

“Ah.” He didn’t know why Edward wore those. His vision didn’t need corrected, so they were just for the color; he wanted his eyes to match.

Edward walked off to the bathroom and returned shortly, sitting back down. Lyman glanced back at him, and decided to voice the thought that kept coming up. “...You said you’re not interested in getting married.” It was stupid. He didn’t know why he was dwelling on this so much. Did he _expect_ Edward to want to get married? Why would he?

Ned turned around to face him, sitting cross-legged on the bed. “Pardon?”

“You said- never mind.” He shook his head.

“No, don’t do that. Lyman. What?”

“At dinner, you said… you said you don’t want to get married,” he repeated. “That you’re not interested in it.”

He scowled. Frankly, he never had been before, it wasn’t really a lie. With Lyman, he _had_ begun to reconsider that position, for the first time. He wouldn’t have said that at dinner if he knew his boyfriend would take offense. But what else was he supposed to say? His mother wasn’t asking in good faith; he didn’t have to be genuine in his response. “I just said that because of my family.”

“Oh. Right.” Of course. Right. That made sense. Lyman read into it too much. He was being stupid.

They were both silent for a moment, and Lyman thought the conversation was over. Then, Edward spoke again.

“I do want to marry you.”

Wait. What? He turned around to face him. “...then you should.”

Edward just shrugged, like maybe he wasn’t serious after all. “Maybe.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Maybe.”

He nodded, leaning forward and kissing him. Lyman kissed back and cupped his face in his hands. Edward pushed him back down on the bed, straddling him.

“Neddy. We are not going to have sex _here._ ”

Edward laughed. “And why not? We have in much worse places.” Lyman gave him a look. “Okay, okay.” He moved off of him and laid beside him.

“Night.”

“Night. I love you.”

He kissed him softly. “I love you too.”

 

The next day, they left Charleston and returned home. They quickly settled back into their usual routines, moved on from the affair with Edward’s family. However, Lyman soon noticed his boyfriend acting… odd? He trusted him, of course he did, but he didn’t know why he was suddenly being so secretive.

Then, in a couple weeks time, Edward took Lyman out for a walk, through the park. The weather was beautiful, and this was one of Lyman’s favorite date choices every time they did it. He spent the whole time pointing out birds and plants and telling Edward about them enthusiastically, and Edward listened with a fond smile. He didn’t notice that Edward kept trying to cut in and say something, until,

“Lyman!”

He jumped and looked down at his feet. “Oh. Sorry,” he mumbled, and Edward immediately felt guilty. He didn’t mean to make him feel bad.

“No, no, it’s okay,” he insisted, wanting to reassure him. “It’s okay, I just… I’ve been tryin’ to ask you somethin’.” He took a deep breath, and fumbled around through his pockets for a moment. Lyman looked confused, and Edward wished this was going smoother. The one time he needed his usual demeanor, the charm, he was struggling.

“Ask me what?”

Finally, he found what he was looking for, and pulled out a little box. By the look on his face, it seemed Lyman was realizing what he wanted to ask. “Lyman… I never thought I’d ask anyone this. But-“ He took his hand. “Lyman Hall. Will you marry me?”

The tears that had begun pricking at the edges of Lyman’s eyes were now flowing freely, and he was speechless. Edward was _proposing_ , Edward really honestly did want to marry him. When they met, Edward was far from the type who would have any interest in marrying, to put it politely. And Lyman was, well, a lonely old man. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts, too stunned, to have even noticed Edward open the box, containing the ring, and get on one knee. He was looking up at him expectantly- Lyman still hadn’t answered.

“God, yes.” He was still crying, _so much,_ but didn’t he have every right to? “Absolutely, _yes_ , I’ll marry you. Yes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ghsgjh they deserve it
> 
> feedback is greatly appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

Edward couldn’t contain his excitement; he told everyone about the engagement almost as soon as it happened. He managed to wait to tell Dickinson- one of his closest friends- until a regular double date with him and Wilson. When they had dinner like this, Edward and John mostly talked and Lyman and James watched their partners fondly. This evening was no different; Edward had an arm slung over Lyman’s shoulders and he was brimming with excitement waiting to bring up the news.

“I have an announcement,” he finally said, grinning from ear to ear.

This seemed to pique John’s interest. “And what would that be?”

He took Lyman’s hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. “We’re engaged!”

John was too dumbfounded to respond at first. “I’m sorry, what?” He must’ve misheard. Edward wasn’t the marrying type.

“Engaged. We’re getting married.” He smiled brightly, oblivious to his friend’s disbelief.

“Congratulations!” It was Wilson who actually said it, and he looked genuinely excited. “That’s wonderful.”

“Yeah, of course it is,” John said quickly. “It is! I’m quite happy for you. It just… surprised me.”

Edward laughed at that. Of course, he could understand why John would be surprised. “Thank you.”

Dickinson grinned, pulling his own husband into his lap, causing James to squeak.

Lyman and Edward both laughed. “Well, we’ll certainly see you two at the wedding, hm?”

 

Edward also told his sister the news of his engagement. He saw no point in telling any of the rest of his family- he knew their opinions of him well enough to say that he ought not to- but he could tell Sarah. He was closest to her of all his siblings; she understood him in a way that the others just couldn’t. So, he called her.

“Hello?” she drawled on the other end of the line.

“Hey.” He suddenly felt nervous, and he wasn’t sure why. Of course Sarah would be happy for him. He needed to relax.

“What’s goin’ on, Neddy?” She sounded worried. Their conversations were infrequent enough that he couldn’t blame her for that. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I’m good- great, actually. I have some great news.”

She let out a sigh of relief that was audible on the other end. “What is it?”

“You remember Lyman, right? My boyfriend?” He didn’t even wait for a reply. “He’s- he’s my fiancé now.”

She did a double take. “You’re engaged? _You_?”

He laughed. “Yeah! Yeah, we’re engaged.”

“Congratulations! My baby brother is engaged. I can’t believe it.” Not that Edward could see, but she was grinning from ear to ear. “I’m so happy for you, Neddy. Congratulations.”

“Thank you so much!” Talking about his engagement, all of his excitement seemed to be renewed.

“Are you going to tell the rest of the family?” She didn’t expect him to, but it was worth asking.

Of course, his instinctive response was _no, of course not_ , but he hesitated. “Can… can you tell John?” he asked meekly.

“Oh. I… can, sure. Yeah.”

He took a deep breath. “Thank you.”

 

Sarah wasn’t sure how to tackle a task such as that. She knew too well the tension between John and Edward, and part of her wished Edward would just tell John himself. But she knew how difficult that would be for him, so she followed through on his request. She tried to sneak the news in during an otherwise innocuous conversation with her older brother. “You know, Neddy is engaged,” she slipped in between topics.

“Huh? So he finally dropped that queer shit and found a girl?”

Sarah sighed. “No, John. He’s engaged to a man.” She saw the look on his face- not a kind one- and continued before he could say anything. “Look, he’s gay, and that’s not going to change. He really loves this man, and he’s going to marry him. I know…” She took a deep breath. “I know you don’t really understand, and I don’t think that’s going to change. But he’s our _brother_.” She tried to tell him this after Edward first came out, and was unsuccessful. John had changed, since then. Had he changed enough to treat his brother with more kindness? She was skeptical.

John furrowed his eyebrows. “Just because he’s my brother, doesn’t mean I have to condone that.”

“Frankly, I don’t care what you ‘condone’. He’s our _family_ so we should love and support him- I don’t care what your stance is otherwise.” She looked so desperate. “John, you at least owe him an apology. I don’t think you understand how much you hurt him. Just… talk. Please.”


	9. Chapter 9

 Somehow, Sarah managed to convince John to at least try to talk to Edward. She was still doubtful about how well that would go, but it was out of her hands now. John didn’t know why he agreed to this when he pressed the button to call his younger brother. Perhaps some part of him felt guilty, knew Sarah was right, but he still hated that Edward was… like that. Couldn’t he have gotten over it? He was a bright young man, so why did he have to do _this_? He didn’t understand it. Still, Sarah had a point- like it or not, he was still his brother.

Surprise didn’t cover what Edward felt when he saw John’s name come up on his phone. With a great deal of apprehension, terrified of what his brother would say, he answered. “Hello?”

He just cut straight to it. “Sarah told me to talk to you.”

What? And he listened to her? “Oh. Well- okay. Yeah.”

John took a deep breath; Edward could hear it. He expected his older brother was preparing to say something offensive- _fucking queer, I’m ashamed to call you my brother, why can’t you be normal_ \- but it never came. There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, but when John finally ended it, he just said, “She told me you’re engaged.”

This was going too well. Too well. But Edward wasn’t going to ruin it; he went along. _“_ I am.”

“To that… I don’t recall his name. That doctor gentleman, the handsome older one.”

Did John just call his fiancé _handsome_? Did he- it didn’t matter. “Lyman. Yes.”

“I suppose if you’re really going to marry a man-“ Ah, so here it was. “-he’s not a bad choice. I mean, as far as I can say.”

“He’s wonderful, yes.” Edward was carrying so much tension in his muscles the entire time he spoke to him. He couldn’t allow himself to relax. “Can I help you, John?”

“Our sister suggested I owe you… an apology.”

“And is this you apologizing, or not?” he pressed. Still so tense.

“Neddy,” he began. Not answering the question, of course he wasn’t. “I can never… understand this, about you. I’ll never agree with it.” None of this sounded like an apology, but Edward held his tongue. “But I suppose we’re past the point where you could be talked out of it. And you are still… family.” He swallowed. “So- so yes, then. I apologize.”

He… what? An _apology._ After all these years. Edward didn’t even know what to say. He didn’t know when he started crying, either, but hot tears had begun to run down his cheeks. Why was he crying? He hated it so much, but his stupid brother always made him cry.

“Neddy?” Oh. John expected him to say something.

“I-I- thank you,” he managed to get out. He hiccuped. God damn it. “Thank you, John.” He wiped his eyes.

“Oh, and- congratulations, too.”

“Huh?” He was so out of it now.

“Congratulations, Ned. On your engagement?”

“Oh. Oh, right. Thank you, John,” he said, sniffling. He wasn’t complaining, of course not, but he still didn’t _understand_ John’s change of heart. He had hated him since he came out. Refused to understand or sympathize at all. What changed? “I just don’t get… why you’re doing this now.”

“What?” He didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know for himself, entirely, but Sarah had gotten him to re-evaluate some things and he was still re-evaluating and she made him feel guilty for treating his own family so badly for so long. “I guess Sarah convinced me the error of my ways, is all,” he answered vaguely.

“After more than ten years.” Edward didn’t know if he wanted to buy it.

“I suppose.”

They were both silent for far too long, but neither one of them ventured to end the phone call. “John,” Edward finally spoke, “it won’t be for a while yet, but would you consider… coming to my wedding?”

There was a beat of silence, and for a moment Edward was worried he had gone and ruined it again just when their relationship seemed to finally be on the mend. “I would consider it. I would… yes.”

“Yes?” he repeated, not confident that he heard him correctly.

“Yes.”

Edward exhaled, for what he knew wasn’t but felt like the first time the entire conversation. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” John said, but it wasn’t a matter of _of course_ at all. “I’ll… see you. Or talk to you later.”

“Huh? Yeah. Of course you will. Yeah. Goodbye.”

“Bye, Ned.” And he hung up.

John was coming to Edward’s wedding. John apologized and he was talking to Edward again, after too damn long, and he was coming to his _wedding._ Perhaps this really was a new chapter for him; it might be a new chapter for them both. He hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought this might be the last chapter but there’s gonna be one more actually  
> feedback is much appreciated <3


	10. Chapter 10

The time flew by during their engagement. And wedding planning, as it turned out, was quite a lot of work. Lyman did most of it, but he didn’t mind: he knew he was the more responsible of the pair. He just consulted his boyfriend- his _fiancé-_  about any decisions they had to make.

Ned, for his part, had his own responsibilities in preparation for the wedding. When he realized he needed a best man, he asked Dickinson.

They were at lunch together, without their partners, chatting amiably, when Edward asked. “So, Lyman and I are getting married,” he began. John knew that; he didn’t need to say it. He didn’t know what he did, but he continued. “And I was wondering if you would be willing to be my best man.”

“Huh? You want me to-? Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

His face lit up. “Yeah?”

“Of course. I would be honored.”

“Oh, thank you. And- try not to embarrass me _too_ much, yeah?” He grinned, and Dickinson rolled his eyes.

“We’ll see,” he said with a smile.

 

Their wedding, when it came around, was in the summer, specifically in June. Each for their own reasons, neither was particularly keen on having it in a church; instead, they opted for outdoors. Altogether, it was a relatively small ceremony. It wasn’t like either of them had big families to invite. But their friends who they wanted to be there were there, and so was John Rutledge. Edward didn’t know what to think of that.

He had wanted his older brother to come, he hoped he would- of _course_ he hoped he would come- but he was still surprised that he actually did. Even when he saw him, he felt a new anxiety replacing the old deep in his stomach, and he wasn’t sure why.

Lyman and Edward said their vows, and they both cried- Edward more than his now-husband, though he would never admit it years down the line. But no one could fault him, either of them, for how emotional they were; they had just gotten married. _Married._

Edward was still crying when the reception started, still crying when it was time for Dickinson to deliver his best man speech. And the best man in question rose, tapping the side of his champagne glass with a fork to get the group’s attention. Everyone looked up at him.

Dickinson raised his glass, smiling brightly. “To Lyman and Edward,” he began. Edward looked up at him and wiped his eyes and listened. He was too emotional- emotional in a good way, of _course-_ to really catch the finer details of his friend’s speech, but he got the idea. He talked about what a good friend of his Edward was, and how slutty the younger man used to be, and how he _knew_ when he met Lyman that he and Edward were going to be together, and when he watched Edward fall asleep on Lyman instead of working (more than once), and what a _good man_ Lyman was, and the time he had a threesome with the newlywed couple, and the time he and James had a foursome with the newlywed couple, and how he felt _elated_ for them when he learned they were engaged, because he knew it was _right._ Edward was crying at the beginning, but he was sobbing by the end. John ended with a second toast.

Soon after, everyone milled about the reception. Edward and Lyman scarcely separated from one another; Edward was practically hanging off of his new husband. Who could blame him? At the same time, John Dickinson had met John Rutledge.

In actuality things were going well between the two, perhaps surprisingly so. But when Edward saw his best friend and estranged-until-recently brother interacting, he was immediately filled with anxieties, and made his way over to the two of them.

The two men were just talking calmly- Dickinson was mostly talking and he had drawn John Rutledge in. He had a magnetism about him like that. Charismatic and handsome, Edward couldn’t deny the effect his best friend had on people. Even his brother was drawn in, looking at Dickinson and listening intently. Edward didn’t interrupt, just stood there and watched and listened. Wanted to make sure things didn’t go south, not _today_ , but they never veered in that direction. The entire time, mostly unnoticed, James had been standing silently near his husband. When there was a lapse in the conversation, he spoke up and tapped his husband. He had seemed frustrated with Dickinson being so wrapped up with someone else. “John, darling. Do you want to go… get food or something?” He gestured vaguely.

“Oh! Yes, okay. That sounds nice.” He smiled at him, took James’ hand, and kissed him softly. He waved to John Rutledge before walking off with his husband.

Edward and his brother were alone now and just looked at each other for a moment, or maybe it was two. And then John spoke up, and Edward’s shoulders tensed up involuntarily.

“So, Neddy, are… all of your friends… homosexuals?” He asked it slowly,carefully, and he didn’t mean any offense by it (for once) and Edward knew that, but after years of one thing he still winced.

“Not all of them. John isn’t actually gay, he’s bisexual.” And he saw his brother cock his head to his side, like a puppy, and he realized John wouldn’t really understand that. “He’s attracted to men and women, both.”

John blinked. This concept was evidently new to him, not that Edward was surprised. “That’s… an option?” He seemed- was _intrigued_ the right word? Ned couldn’t pinpoint it.

“Well… yes.”

“Hm.” He looked contemplative. “And are all of your friends so… handsome?”

He stared. _What? What the hell is he-_ “I don’t- well-“ He stammered, too thrown off by the question to answer it.

John shook his head. “Never mind,” he said quickly. “Congratulations, Neddy. Really.”

“Thank you. I’m so glad you came.”

He smiled, just slightly. “Of course.” And he clapped him on the shoulder, and walked away.

Lyman saw Edward standing alone, and made his way over. He wrapped an arm around his waist. “What did your brother say? Are you alright?”

Edward smiled; he smiled the most genuine and beautiful smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m alright.” And he kissed his now-husband. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that’s it folks!! i hope you all liked it <3


End file.
